The ex wife

"Mama J, how old are you?" " I'm 42." "Oh. Our mom is 30. You are a lot older than her."

And I am. Twelve years to be exact. Quite the age difference. My Delicious Husband is indeed younger than I, but only by four years. So, first wife was considerably younger than him, second wife older. If you ask him he prefers me being older. I am well settled in my life, no longer "finding myself" and very comfortable with who I am. My goals are clear and I am reaching them. I have a career, and am very independant. Maybe too much so.

But. Then again. When I am 50 she will still be in her 30's. I can't help but wonder if at that point he will look at her, still young, and then at me, not young, and think....what if?

She left him for another man. Walked away from this beautiful man taking his children and his self esteem with her. Almost three years on he has clearly moved on, but the scars are there. She was at our house last night, dropping off something for the kids. She brought her ultrasound pictures with her of the baby she is carrying. The father is the man she left Delicious Husband for, this is her second pregnancy. The first pregnancy ended tragically. Thankfully this baby is healthy and normal. Looking at the pictures I was filled with a longing for something I will never have, a child with my husband. Yes we have five between us and a baby is the last thing we need, but still...a baby. With him. How lovely that would have been.